No Where Else

The blog has been quiet recently (I lost some margin last month and the blog landed on my “stop doing” list for a while), but Small Groups have not.

I received this email from Pastor White:

“Just got back from an extremely sad funeral for a new born. In spite of the sadness, it was a really beautiful funeral, mostly because it was planned by the Mom's Small Group. They also brought up the gifts, greeted the guests... The family was completely surrounded by the support of the small group in a way that parish staff could never have provided. Very impressive.”

What a great testament to this Small Group. We talk about our Small Groups being supportive, but not “support” groups. What a great example of what that means. Our Small Groups are not meant to be places where people take turns focusing only on their individual personal needs or where one person’s brokenness dominates the life of the group. Nativity Small Groups are intended to be environments where every member deepens their faith and strengthens their walk with Jesus.

But in a time of need, especially one of such deep sadness as this family must be feeling, our Small Groups should be able to provide a level of support and comfort that can be found no where else. Authentic relationships rooted in a growing relationship with Jesus can respond to tragedy in a way no other relationship can. Support flowing from a shared experience of growing deeper in faith in a Small Group has a richness and a texture that is both spontaneous and deeply heart felt. Being surrounded by a group of people who have chosen to do life with you and even go into life’s battles with you on a regular basis is special. It brings a level of comfort and support I have experienced no where else.

How is your Small Group’s heart when it comes to supporting all your members? Are you ready to go to battle for each other? Do you have authentic relationships rooted in a deepening relationship with Jesus that can provide a level of comfort and support that can be found no where else?

Spoiled by God

Let me start at the end of our meeting. It was late, but the topic of multiplication came up before we started to pray. One of the guys challenged us – he questioned whether we were being as authentic as we could. We were talking a good game, but not really supporting each other enough outside our Wednesday meetings. Were we really such a connected group? Was our conversation about multiplying just an excuse not to go deeper? How can we talk about being ready to open up to new guys if there’s so much more we need to do among ourselves? Maybe we aren’t as far down the road as we think we are.
You could feel the push back from some of us. It’s not a comfortable thought to believe you’re in one place and be called out on not really being as honest as we need to be about where we are as a group. Even the guy who was calling us out was questioning how authentic he was being in the group.
As I listened to the conversation, one of the real tensions in our group became very clear. None of us want to risk losing what we have worked so hard for – a place where we can honestly share who we are and what we are struggling with in our life; a place to give and get support; a place to be called out and challenged to be better. This is a place where we are all growing in our relationship with Jesus and each other. Nobody wants to lose it. We all need it.
But every one of us wants to share the experience. We all know guys who would benefit from being in a circle with other guys working hard to figure life out and live as Jesus wants us to live. The conflict is a sign for me that God is working in each of us. We are being called out by Jesus – What do you believe? What do you need to do to build my kingdom?
Now let me circle back to the beginning of our meeting. One of our guys just came back from his father’s funeral. He told us the story of the great difficulties he faced trying to work out the funeral arrangements for his father in a city where he had few contacts and didn’t know the players. Suffice it to say that, sadly, there were not a lot of God moments in his narrative. But at one point, in the middle of all the hassles, his mother turned to him and told him that “God has spoiled me.” She didn’t say that God loves me or that God cares for me. She said has spoiled me. What an amazing description of God’s love for us. In the midst of what must have been great sorrow – they had been married for almost 50 years – she is able to talk about being spoiled by God’s love. Wow.
It’s amazing to think that God might use a widow in Florida to deliver His message to a bunch of guys in Timonium. What if our group is spoiled by God? What if we shift the lens to see how God has blessed each of us over the last two years in awesome ways as part of our group rather than to focus on what we might lose? I know I am spoiled every Wednesday when I meet with my brothers in group. And I know we will resolve our tension about how to grow our group. But I also know that God wants to use us to spoil as many people as we can with his love.
Happy Easter.

Transformation and Battles

Our group branched in two directions at a recent meeting. First, the message took me down the path of transformation. A Christ follower’s goal is to transform of our lives. And yet, on our own, that real life transformation is very improbable. Fortunately, the transformation of each of our hearts and minds and lives is our God’s fervent desire, loving focus and unending task. No matter what we do, that remains a constant – God is always at work in us for the transformation of our lives. Our part of the relationship is to open ourselves to God’s work in us and position ourselves in relation to God for that good work to be accomplished and not thwarted.
God’s transformation of our lives is not a passive thing that we sit around waiting for. We have a major, active role in the work God is trying to accomplish in us. Somewhere I heard that I’m responsible for the inputs (all the things I do that deepen my relationship with God) and God is responsible for the output (my transformed life). It was comforting to sit with the thought for a while that the God of the Universe is constantly working on my transformation.
The second branch of the evening was less comforting. As we discussed the message, guys talked about what was going on in their lives and what needed to change - persistent depression that doesn’t seem to be getting better despite all the right stuff being done to cope with it, a lack of motivation at work that continues despite the financial fears it generates, the lingering burden of work and home worries that continually drain energy and enthusiasm, the untimely death of an elementary school child and the death of a 36 year old veteran of three wars who was just turning the corner on his addiction. Difficult stuff.
And I was struck with the thought – this group of men is under attack. (Now this is a John Eldredge thing and can seem a bit goofy, but I’ve become a believer.) We talked about God and we talked about ourselves. But I felt the real presence of the third player on this stage – the Devil, Satan, the Evil One. I’m not sure what the comfortable term for this evil player is, but his presence was real. He had a real hand in fostering the levels of depression, lack of motivation, and questioning of God that was in the room.
The bad news is this evil force can worsen and deepen all the negative things that push us away from God and his work to transform us if we let it. The good news is that this evil force becomes most active in situations where people are moving closer to God, where transformation of lives is taking place. I believe transformation can take place in Small Groups. I believe that transformation is taking place in the lives of the guys in our group. The battle is real for all of us all of the time. I’m blessed to have a band of brothers to battle with me.

What's The Point?

“Knowing” Jesus has been pretty much an intellectual thing for me as a Catholic. And, when I worked at Catholic Charities, it was easy to tie in everything I did at work to that intellectual exercise of having a “good relationship with God.” But Sundays at Nativity and Wednesdays in my Small Group are moving that intellectual “knowing” to more of a heart “knowing.” Jesus isn’t looking for an intellectual exercise, but a heart changing relationship.

Group last night highlighted the extremes of that important heart relationship. We talked about Jeremiah following God’s instructions about underwear. Underwear - really? Bury them. Dig them up. What’s the point?

Sometimes my everyday life feels like “What’s the point?” Am I really making a difference? Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed and do it all again tomorrow. What’s the point? Without having a real heart relationship with Jesus - not just an intellectual one, it might be easy to question what the point is every day. But Jeremiah used a pointless exercise to deepen his trust in God. No questions asked, no hesitation, no push back – bury them then dig them up. I want that kind of faith and trust.

And then we had the crushing sadness of the death of a young man – a student at Immaculate Conception school. He’s not old enough for death. No family should have to go through that kind of pain and sorrow. This makes no sense. How do the fathers among us in the room even begin to process this one – especially one of our guys whose children were in school with him? How does anyone? He was just a young boy. What’s the point?

We have no ability to understand and there’s no good earthly reason for this tragic event. An intellectual relationship with God does not get you through this valley of tears. Only a relationship of the heart with a good and gracious God can get us to the other side of the deep, aching pain and sadness. And certainly, it is never easy. Jeremiah’s task seems even more ridiculous by comparison. But knowing God like Jeremiah, trusting God like Jeremiah, believing in God like Jeremiah is the only thing that can possibly make such a loss bearable. I need that kind of faith and trust.

Knowing Jesus at a heart level changed my relationship with Jesus. It changed how I look at mundane things and how I approach tragedy.

And so we pray from the heart to our good and gracious God for the Cox family.

Encouraged

A few things became a little clearer for me last night in our small group, thanks to the continued generosity of the men – a group willing to reveal what they are struggling with:

1. I take great encouragement that as a group, we are much more concerned about honesty and authenticity than evaluating/judging behavior or beliefs.

2. We may not always understand why evil is permitted and desperate struggle is so integral to life, but we can trust that God is absolutely reliable. Whatever he asks from us, we can trust that it is for the long-term best.

3. Difficulty and hardship provide an opportunity for faith to be made visible, in a way that is not found when times that are easy.

4. When we experience unjustified attack or harm, and then question God’s faithfulness because of it, we are in a place that is similar to Jesus on the cross.

5. God is faithful, in spite of what sometimes seems like his apparent absence; we have not been forsaken.

I am learning that meaningful faith and genuine friendships require each other.

Tough Question

Great thoughts from Chris Eisenberg who's a member of our group:

Tough question Wednesday night: how do we square Good God with the difficult stuff going on in our lives? Heart disease; relationship dysfunction; chronic disease and pain; unfulfilled relational longings. I struggle with that one. Not so much with what I believe in my heart as regards a Good God, but in explaining that to people - especially those who are in the midst of the dark night of the soul. It just sounds so hollow and self-serving, doesn't it?

When I think about things like this, it's often through the prism of what others have said and taught me. One of those people over the years has been author Philip Yancey and his book Reaching for the Invisible God: What Can We Expect to Find. Just when we're confident we understand God, the bottom drops out. We lose a loved one. Our health fails. Or our own intellect begins to shout objections it once only whispered. Where is God with the answers? Why is he so distant so often? Most of know how we're supposed to think and respond to these things as Christians, but that often doesn't square with how we do think and respond to them.

I process this question based on the belief that God is Good, that God is trustworthy. Because of His love for me, I can trust him - in the good, in the bad, in the somewhere in between. Even in its fallen state, God judged the World - judged us - worth the rescue effort, worth the condescension to the bounds of time and space, worth dying for. Though God may not prevent the hardships of this world, neither did God seek personal immunity from them. Deliberately, God's son Jesus submitted to the worst of this fallen world. The World can be redeemed - that was the whole point in Jesus' coming to earth. God transformed ultimate evil into ultimate good, working through humanity's violence and hatred to accomplish our redemption.

I see God's goodness in my life, and the lives of others. It validates what I know of Him from the scriptures and confirms what I think I hear the Holy Spirit telling me at times. Even in those very dark hours - when it is so very difficult to acknowledge the presence of this Good God (and believe me, I really struggle with that in the difficult times) - God has shown himself again and again to be good. Not good as in --"the boo-boo has gone away so everything's better now" but rather, "hey-- look at me! I'm your Father; I'm with you; I won't leave you; you can trust me, even in this very tough time."

What a blessing to fellowship with you men; and to walk the journey with you. I’ll end with this prayer:

Heavenly Father, …You know what to say just when we need to hear from you. No god is as near as you are and no god is as good as you are, in every storm and stressful season…Father, you’ve created us and you’re redeeming us, all for your glory. You’ve summoned us by name, calling us to life in the gospel. You’ve given us a new name and its “Mine.” There’s no sweeter name we could possibly hope to be called. We praise you for the security of being in your family and embrace.

We also praise you for your honesty. You’ve never promised we won’t experience floods and torrents, and fires and flames. But you do promise you’ll be with us at all times. To know you are near and to know you are good is all we really need. We’ll go anywhere and do anything, as long as we’re certain you’ll never abandon, shame or reject us. In the gospel, you give us this certainty.

We don’t have to be afraid of anything or anyone. You are with us and you are for us. Continue to write bigger and better stories of redemption than we, ourselves, would ever choose to pen.
Scotty Smith, Pastor for Preaching
Christ Community Church
Franklin, TN