Listening or Fixing?

American men are inclined toward two personality traits.  Among other things, we like to be independent, and we like to fix problems.  Both of these are helpful at the right times and have their place, but in a small group it can present challenges: we often don't share our difficulties with each other (independence), and we don't listen well; we can be focused more on action/response instead of just taking time to hear and be with someone else.

I was encouraged last night in our men's small group.  We seem to have arrived at a place where most are willing to talk about our own pain and difficulties, and everyone else (usuaully) refrains from offering "solutions" unless that's what's obviously being requested.  Let me confirm for you -- this is not easy to come by in a men's group, and I feel very fortunate.

I work with someone who seems to manage this very well, and his approach seems relevant outside the workplace.  When someone comes to him with a problem, he has been known to ask, "Am I listening, or fixing?"  Brilliant.