Living In God

I was distracted at group last night. I had just attended the wake for the brother of a friend. Her brother was 52 and died suddenly. I didn’t learn until I left the funeral home that he had committed suicide. Every time I’m faced with the reality of suicide I am at a loss to understand the level of despair, pain and anguish that would lead someone to consider such a tragic act. Being unable to feel connected and loved by family and friends. Not having a forgiving and loving God to center all the pain and anguish around. Not seeing any purpose to continue living, but suicide as the only option. I feel so inadequate in understanding the despair. There is just deep sadness.

Then from my left, a voice says he understands completely. He has had the same thoughts and has felt the deep sense of despair about his future. He’s never tried to end his life, but he has sure thought about it. As we’ve each told our stories, we’ve all come to know his pain. Yet every time he voices thoughts of suicide, I feel that deep sense of sadness wash over me. And while having a group of supportive men around you who understand, at least at some level, is important, it’s not enough – other small groups have lived through the painful experience of losing one of their members to suicide.

I left group praying – and pray now – that God will enter deeply into the life of each member of our group and provide that center around which all our despair and pain and doubt can be placed. I pray that each member of our group will allow God to shoulder the burdens with us and lift us out of our despair into the beauty He has created for us. I pray that every Nativity small group becomes a place where God shows up, members come to see more clearly and deeply God’s love for each of us, and the excitement of living life in God and for God grows strongly and deeply.

Good and gracious – living God – holy is Your Name.