Heavy Night

Our group was not very uplifting this week. There were seven of us which is a bit small for our group. It clearly pointed out to me the power of presence and strength in numbers. We are better when most of us are in the room (even a couple of guys missing makes a difference) and there’s no substitute for sharing, praying, and just being with a group of guys struggling to make life work.
As we went around the room to just catch up on our week, the weight descended on the room like a heavy, dark mist. Five of us talked about feeling burdened, heavy hearted, weighed down. Three of us are really burdened - facing significantly reduced income and the very real possibility of losing jobs. One of the guys facing income or job loss is over 70 and another has five kids at home. I sat and felt the weight that I was feeling (certainly nothing like these guys) deepen. What do you say? How can you help? What can you do? The impulse to end the meeting and just go home was very real.
We were about to plow forward with a DVD when one of the guys said he wasn’t up for it and just wanted to talk. And we did. We talked about the message series and getting our priorities straight; about how we are all really blessed; about the anxiety of losing our job and the impact of that on our families; the difficulty of praying when everything around you is screaming out for attention and immediate solutions; how hard it is to trust God when life seems to be spinning out of control; and more.
The amazing thing for me was that no solutions were offered for anyone’s problems. No quick fixes were provided for financial problems. No facile platitudes were sprinkled around about how it will all turn out OK. No shallow encouragement to just simply pray more and trust God more. But this is a guy’s group, right? Isn’t that what we do – fix problems, offer solutions, just keep on moving forward?
In the end, we sang a couple of songs, prayed around the circle and headed home. I still felt weighed down. I know the other guys did. Not much had changed in our worlds when we left – there was a lot staring these guys in the face when they got home.
But as always, God was present. Jesus didn’t reduce any of the burdens. If anything, I felt more heart heavy when I left than when I showed up. But there was a definite sense that we weren’t on the journey alone; that we didn’t have to carry the burdens by ourselves. It seemed clear that Jesus doesn’t show up necessarily to fix our stuff, but often just to walk with us and help us bear the weight of our stuff. And what I appreciate most about the guys I meet with every week is that no one in the group is trying to fix my stuff either. It’s just a group of guys seeking a better relationship with Jesus and willing to help bear each others burdens on the journey. A heavy night made a little bit easier by a band of brothers and a loving God.

Awesome Stuff

Ellen and I are doing a Pray 10 and I’m drawn to the question of why I haven’t blogged recently. Amazing stuff has been going on in my small group.
Eleven guys juggled life’s demands and spent all or part of a weekend together on retreat. Great food (and lots and lots of it), good wine, great weather, some fishing, some golf and more than our share of tears and brokenness. We shared our stories for 7 hours (a couple of our newer guys hadn’t heard all our stories) and I was drained, exhilarated, saddened, uplifted, exposed, challenged, and humbled at the end. What an amazing group of guys and how awesome is God’s presence when we are together.
We were using John Eldredge’s Walking With God DVD for the retreat. Two questions, among several, stuck with me. Do you believe God speaks to you directly? Not just in scripture, not just on Sunday, not just generally, but directly, to you, every day in your ordinary circumstance. And do you hear God speak to you? Not in formulaic prayers, in the exercise of weekly ritual, or in “thou shalt” or “thou shall not”, but in a way that directs and determines how you live your every day life. I’m still coming to grips with both those questions, but the questions clearly hit home in our group.
In our meeting the following week, we continued with the Eldredge DVD, and it challenged us to pray for one of our group members and listen for God speaking. I was very skeptical, almost put off by this exercise. Then I was asked to share something I struggled with and allow the group to listen to God and pray for me. What an amazing, powerful experience. And I heard God speak to my brokenness. Not a voice, not a blinding light, definitely hard to explain, but real.
Now I know what you’re thinking and I’m right there with you. That’s pretty crazy thinking. It’s a bit over the top. How much wine was I drinking? But if you listen to Eldredge, you might have to admit the possibility. If God created the universe, if God is in control of it all, if everything amazing comes from God, why couldn’t God choose to speak to me or anyone else directly and personally? And why wouldn’t God want to be that personal? Maybe the problem is that God is speaking to me and I’m just not listening or placing myself in a position to hear God’s voice.
And so why haven’t I been blogging? Eldredge has taught me to believe in the spiritual battle that exists with a very real, very personal Satan. Again, not an image, or a theory, or a concept, but a real, tenacious Evil Being that wants to bring me down and separate me from God. Jesus believed in the existence of this Evil Being. Jesus fought this Evil Being and his constant attacks. If Jesus knew Satan was real and active in His life, it’s not much of a reach to believe Satan is active in my life.
And so why haven’t I been blogging? Is it because Satan is actively working against any good that might come from my blogging? Have I bought into the lie that blogging about my group is a waste of time? Or that I don’t have anything of value to say? Are my efforts to develop a deeper, more personal communication with God coming under attack? Were our efforts at the retreat moving all of us closer to a loving relationship with Jesus and Satan hopes we forget about it and move on with our daily lives?
I believe that any time we try to reveal God’s glory in our life we will be assaulted. I believe that Satan wants nothing more than to quiet the voices of those struggling to deepen their relationship with Jesus. I believe listening to God means fighting all the distractions that Satan puts in our way every day.
I am blessed and strengthened by my band of brothers. God is truly at work in a special way when we are together. I pray that all of Nativity small groups experience this blessing and resist the temptation to be quiet about the awesome things God is doing in their lives.

Messy and Awkward

Our group was a bit messy this week. There were a few things that happened where as a leader, I wasn’t sure what to do. Our group as a whole also seemed unsure of how we should handle a situation and so it felt awkward for a few minutes. Although none of us likes feeling awkward, if we are in relationship with people and sharing what is in our hearts, it will happen from time to time. Life is messy and not always easily sorted out.

Messy awkwardness will happen in small groups. The good news about messy awkwardness is that the awkwardness doesn’t last forever, but subsides. The good news is that if we battle through it, usually life change and stronger relationships are on the other side. Maybe your group has had some awkward moments. As you experience them, look at them as opportunities for growth and not as something to be avoided. In fact, moments of messiness and awkwardness are sure signs God is up to something in your group. It often means God is moving.

Pray 10

This past week groups were asked to get separate and spend 10 minutes alone in prayer. Your group may have had different experiences with that time. Maybe it was awkward, maybe it was great and refreshing, maybe it was something in-between or both. The encouragement to pray ten minutes was an important action for groups for a few reasons.

First, one of the purposes of small groups are to help make it easier for us to actually live out our faith. From time to time it is worth breaking from the routine of just talking in a group to actually doing what we are trying to accomplish.

Second, small groups exist to actually bring us closer to Christ. We hope small groups develop into friendships -friendships that help develop a deeper friendship with our Savior. Hopefully the ten minutes reminded you of that.

Third, we need solitude in order to have community. To bring my best to the small group, I need to be connecting with God on my own so that I have something to offer. Hopefully after you prayed for 10 minutes individually your group had much more to talk about on the subject of prayer.

Miracle in Chile

Our group prayed last night for the miracle that took place in Chile. I was struck by a number of things as I watched. How many miners dropped to their knees thanking God for their rescue as soon as they were released from the capsule. How many family members centered their hope for rescue in their faith in God. How trust and faith in the Divine served to drive rescuers harder to do all that was humanly possible to aid those trapped. How 33 men – some who only knew each other for a day and some who were life long family members – supported and cared for each member of the group as they faced a seemingly hopeless situation. How the bonds shaped by sharing difficult times will bind these men forever.

Here’s a great quote about the miner from Bolivia: “Despite the offer to return to Bolivia with his family, which President Morales said was effective immediately and he would even fly him home in his presidential plane. The miner made it clear he wanted to stay in Chile, at least for a few days. He said he plans to meet up with the 32 other miners on the surface once they have recovered from their ordeal.” He was offered a job and a house, but he first needed to see the men he can become brothers with in the mine. Talk about band of brothers.

I sat in a circle with nine guys last night with none of us ever wanting to experience the sheer terror of 2 months underground (I start to panic after two minutes in tight spaces). And no one could ever want to see that rescue scene repeated. But I do want the faith that many of the miners and their families demonstrated. I do want a band of brothers who will support me in whatever tragedy life may bring my way. I do want a faith in the Divine that drives me to do all I humanly can to help those in need around me. I do want to celebrate victories in my life with people who have prayed for me, cried for me, and worked hard to help me.

It isn’t hard to see God’s hand in a miracle like the rescue in Chile. But God isn’t limited to the big stage. In fact, most of God’s best work is done in the quiet of our every day life. In the quiet of my family, in the quiet of my workplace, in the quiet of my small group. Big miracles are often easier to see and they grab our attention. It’s the small miracles that we often miss. And it’s through small miracles that most of God’s work gets done.

God bless the Chilean miners, their families, and their rescuers. And God bless every one of us who are working out our own smaller, personal tragedies. May we all experience little miracles like the big miracle the Chilean miners did through faith in God and support from good, caring supportive people around us.

Fatherly Anger

When a group of guys talk about anger, the topic of children is almost always part of the discussion. I listened last night as we talked about anger and being a father. The experience of “father” took on many forms: five kids at home; grown kids living away; step kids breaking in a new father; teenagers with messy rooms; some of us enforcers and some instigators; and at times using our work as a place of refuge, sanity and control. For most of us, it wasn’t hard to tap into anger as a part of this season of our life.
I’ve been challenged by the series with why there isn’t more healthy, God honoring, righteous anger in my life. One of the places where I do feel the righteous anger is when I see men not stepping up to their fatherhood responsibilities. Fathers who skimp on quality time with their kids (no time to help coach once a week, but never miss their round of golf). Fathers who don’t set needed boundaries for their kids (letting kids cross clear lines of behavior because it is easier than engaging in daily limit setting). Fathers who abdicate their financial responsibilities or even abuse children. While I have not always been a good father or step-father, I’ve always worked hard at it. I’m angry when a father doesn’t work hard at being a great father. It one of the most important jobs we'll ever have. That's righteous anger.
Sitting with guys who fathered differently, but have good relationships with their children – old or young, at home or not – is a real treat for me. Anger – no doubt. Sometimes (often times?) unrighteous anger – yes. Struggles for balance and boundaries – of course. But mostly, God honoring efforts to be good fathers.
We were a few guys short last night. One stayed home to help his young son with homework because he’s having such a tough time in school and it’s impacting the whole family. One was driving 10 hours with his married daughter to help sort out some messy family stuff. I think they both would have preferred to be at group last night to sip some wine and share life. Good choices. Good fathers. Blessed to be among them.