What Happens in Group

I noticed in our small group last night that in discussions (which I truly always enjoy) I have a compulsive need to offer contrary points of view -- whether I believe them or not.  I already knew that about myself, but the surprise is how much I feel compelled to do it.  I can't really say whether my motivations are healthy or not.  I'd like to think that I am just naturally oriented to question things, and to encourage others to think differently; this is true about me -- but I also think I like to instigate a little uneasiness in others.  Maybe this makes me feel better, or in control.  Hmm ... that last one is a little disturbing.

What a screwy mess I am!  I'd like to be able to recognize and splice out my motivations, but it doesn't seem to work that way.  I am sadly just a mixed bag of impulses; that's the way it is.  I suppose I can take solace in the fact that at least some of my motivations, at least some of the time (I hope), are oriented toward the good of others.

I am so thankful to have this group!  They don't always realize how much they teach me, but it's one of the best classrooms I have.