There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability;
there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community. - M. Scott Peck



Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Being With

Talking with a few small-group-leader coaches last week, I asked what the ratio of "relationship" vs. "practical discussion" was for them and the leaders they meet with.  As usual, I found my own thoughts clarified as we discussed things, and clarified even more afterward, once I reflected on them.  These posts are usually another clarifying activity for me ... please pardon the self-serving motivations to write.

This is an important issue for me, since I hold the conviction that relationships themselves are of primary importance in any meaningful investment aimed at emotional or spiritual growth.  These coaches all responded that their time was mostly practical (working through questions, problems and possible solutions), which made me think that the relationship side might be suffering, but I later realized (remembered) that practical discussion is often a necessary setting for healthy relational exchange.

I remember talking with a friend about how men like to fish.  Not always for the sport itself (honestly, that takes a special personality), but because the setting provides an excuse to hang out and be together.  Women like to get together to talk about their lives.  Men are often afraid of this kind of vulnerability (requesting assistance is a flag of weakness), so we act tough and find activities to mask our motives, then we spend 80% of that time talking about nothing.  All for a set up for the purpose of just being together.

I had dinner with a few friends last night, and I took away some helpful and practical things to reflect on, but the very simple matter of just being with my friends who know me and give a shit about me is a far more valuable thing.  As you were.

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