Belonging

I was reminded afresh this week of the significant and often lasting impact of rejection.  Especially from a spouse or parent.  We have a strong drive to find people and groups that we can connect and belong to.  Most of us seek a significant other, we keep ties with our immediate and extended family, and we often maintain relationships in clubs, communities of worship, etc.  I'm sure it looks much different than the 1950's, but the drive is still there, even in our often-impersonal technology age: witness social networking.

What became clearer for me in our small group this week is how authentic friendships can become bonds that are unique, and contain elements that sometimes exceed even marriage and family bonds.  I think the latter are significant specifically because of their permanence despite life circumstances.  I suppose this keeps the life of the community ordered.  The former, however, are perpetually and completely voluntary.  It is one thing to be accepted by someone who has made a promise to do so, or by someone who is genetically or legally linked to us.  It is another kind of atmosphere where it is seen as acceptable by the surrounding community to disengage at any time, as in friendships, yet we choose not to.  Long and meaningful friendships are indeed unique.  I am convinced that these relationships should not be seen as ancillary, even if time and commitment priorities go to the more permanent bonds.  They matter immeasurably, and provide a kind of belonging that can be satisfied in no other way.