Fatherly Anger

When a group of guys talk about anger, the topic of children is almost always part of the discussion. I listened last night as we talked about anger and being a father. The experience of “father” took on many forms: five kids at home; grown kids living away; step kids breaking in a new father; teenagers with messy rooms; some of us enforcers and some instigators; and at times using our work as a place of refuge, sanity and control. For most of us, it wasn’t hard to tap into anger as a part of this season of our life.
I’ve been challenged by the series with why there isn’t more healthy, God honoring, righteous anger in my life. One of the places where I do feel the righteous anger is when I see men not stepping up to their fatherhood responsibilities. Fathers who skimp on quality time with their kids (no time to help coach once a week, but never miss their round of golf). Fathers who don’t set needed boundaries for their kids (letting kids cross clear lines of behavior because it is easier than engaging in daily limit setting). Fathers who abdicate their financial responsibilities or even abuse children. While I have not always been a good father or step-father, I’ve always worked hard at it. I’m angry when a father doesn’t work hard at being a great father. It one of the most important jobs we'll ever have. That's righteous anger.
Sitting with guys who fathered differently, but have good relationships with their children – old or young, at home or not – is a real treat for me. Anger – no doubt. Sometimes (often times?) unrighteous anger – yes. Struggles for balance and boundaries – of course. But mostly, God honoring efforts to be good fathers.
We were a few guys short last night. One stayed home to help his young son with homework because he’s having such a tough time in school and it’s impacting the whole family. One was driving 10 hours with his married daughter to help sort out some messy family stuff. I think they both would have preferred to be at group last night to sip some wine and share life. Good choices. Good fathers. Blessed to be among them.