Guitar Hero

I spent part of Easter feeling pretty good about myself. I had focused some of my quiet time on areas needing improvement in my life - greed, self-centeredness, pride. Given the story I tell about my life, I was feeling pretty good - these were all manageable. Doing better, no major issues, life pretty in control. And then we had group last night.
We watched the Pastor's message again. The conversation turned to evangelization - definitely not one of the boxes I can check off on my list of things being done as Jesus asked. But still feeling ok - several of the guys also voiced their discomfort with speaking to others about the God thing. And then I told a story of the party at our house where someone asked who played guitar - mine was sitting out. This young guy (it was a party of 20 somethings for my daughter's birthday) was in a band and a good player. Anyone who has heard me knows I'm not. But that doesn't bother me - I'm comfortable with that. But then he asked "What kind of stuff do you play?" Pause - mostly James Taylor type stuff was the response. Anyone who has heard me play in the last couple of years also knows that I'm playing mostly Christian worship music. Oops. Is this how Peter felt in the courtyard?
But the real wake up call was the response from the guys. Most voiced their surprised that I would hide what I really played. Several said it didn't seem like something I would. Suddenly, the word "poser" jumped front and center. I wanted to be a guitar hero, but was a poser instead. And as the leader of our group, who pushes others to be real with God's word, it was a disappointing revelation. I packed up my guitar and headed home thinking about how much fear still drives my behavior and how much courage I need from God to be a guitar hero.